So I watched this documentary that sought to answer the question “Why can some people eat whatever they want and never gain any weight, while the rest of us look at food and get fat.” (The truth about slim people on You Tube.)
The show told me something I'd long suspected: Thin people have the same metabolisms as the rest of us, they just eat less calories habitually. But how?
They filmed a man and a woman and everything they ate and did for a week and made them wear fit bits.
Her: 41 yrs old, 170cm tall 60kg (5’7 and 132 pounds) – mother of two kids, with a husband, drives EVERYWHERE, works a sedentary job, does 2 hours exercise a week teaching kiddies how to dance.
Her colleagues only ever see her eating McDonalds or greasy fry ups and say she's so lazy if she could catch an Uber to the toilet she would.
So what did we find out about her:
She is the most fidgety, loudest, most energetic annoying fucker in the room.
She never walks anywhere but she’s dancing in the line to buy her roll at lunch and singing and throwing her arms all over the place ALL DAY LONG. The Fit Bit found she did over 20km a week.
People like her are the reason I love working by myself at home. She burns more calories from just being annoying than I could from doing 20 Crossfit sessions. (Not that I ever would.)
She cooks all her meals at home and never eats out. In fact the TV Crew had to pay for her and the mates to go out just to MAKE her go out.
SHE NEVER DRINKS - maybe a glass twice a month.
She sleeps up to 9 solid hours a night.
And here is the useful bit of info: she only eats at most three meals a day. She only ever calls it “breakfast", "lunch" or "dinner” and she always eats it off a plate sitting down at the table.
She consumes NO SNACKS. Only breakfast, lunch or dinner. On the day when she ate a big dinner and was hungover she pushed back breakfast, pushed back lunch, then skipped breakfast the next day. She does this habitually. She often goes 17 hours without eating. She was an unconscious intermittent faster.
The colleagues didn’t notice her waiting until 11am to eat her breakfast every day, they only ever noticed that it was a bacon and egg McMuffin. Selective attention folks! They only saw the things they wanted to see.
The bloke: 37 yrs old, 178cm tall 80kg (5’10 and 176 pounds) – a dad of two kids who works a totally sedentary job, eats a whole packet of biscuits every day and only does 2 hours exercise a week (Krav Maga which he loves so never misses.)
He sleeps on average 7 hours a night.
He doesn’t drink. Ever. Doesn't see the point. Clearly he's never had an icy cold Bush Chook on a 40 degree day. (104F)
His wife is a chef who cooks all his meals at home from scratch, he takes all his lunches from home. Their one big “splurge meal” a week is a Subway Sandwich after his weekly 2 hour martial arts class (talk about pushing the boat out!)
The Fit Bit told us he walks 20 kilometres a week just getting around London and he walks SO FAST the private investigators could not keep up with him.
So why was this lovely yet boring bastard on the show? Because he eats nearly a packet of biscuits every day.
The interesting distinction about him was that he only ever ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, off a plate, sitting down, and no snacks. His biscuit habits were always part of his lunch or his desert at dinner. He did not eat in between his 3 meals. He also unconsciously ate less on days after a splurge.
London's loosest bastard eats 4 shortbread biscuits, off a tray, after dinner.
GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERY: NEVER drink, NEVER eat out, NEVER snack and run 20km a week? Too easy, I'll get started today. Oh no wait it's Friday.
The only take home I got from this show was plan your brekky, lunch and dinner, put it on a plate, and sit down to eat it and stop snacking. Work those snacks in to your meal. Have the treat with your meal. Stop using the word snack. NO MORE SNACKS. Just meals. Now excuse me while I go make nachos with a side of chilli chocolate for breakfast.
And if you splurge one day, push your breakfast back a few hours the next day by drinking tea or coffee as the woman did. Listen to your body, wait until you get hungry. Oh and whenever possible be an annoyingly loud fucker who dances in the canteen line for no reason....
I hope that helped.